for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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