then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
