it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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