what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
