i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
