you win again, gameday.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
