Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
