i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
