My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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