Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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