He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
