I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
