we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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