the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
