Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
