my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize