Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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