This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
