I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sext me about skeletons
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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