You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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