I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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