Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
