If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
