Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
