Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
