He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
