i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
