How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
