Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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