So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
