Non-Jews are for practice
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
