They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let's paint friendship bongs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize