oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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