dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
