Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Where did you get a picture of my penis
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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