Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
