the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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