It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
