Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
