I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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