That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
