How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
not ubering you a puppy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
