I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
