i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
