Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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