your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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