I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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