should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize