You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
