you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
