Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
