Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
