that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
