His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
