He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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