I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
