Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
