You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
