Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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