i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
