i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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