yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
