First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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