4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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