so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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