I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
