The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
