I bet he comes in French.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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