I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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