you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
