We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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