My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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