Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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