His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
3pm strippers are depressing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
