Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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