I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
