Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
