Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can text with my tongue
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize