Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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