I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
