You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
