Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
