I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
