he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
