What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
