Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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