who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
