break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
