i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
