The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
