That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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