uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
