He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
