hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
