You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
