Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
