Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize